Emotional Struggles and Internal Conflict
With maturity, the emotional turmoil of having been adopted grew. Adolescence is the age of search and discovery, and, in Alex’s case, the search was complicated by the fact that they were separated from their origin. For all the love, support, and security that adoptive parents had bestowed on them, there was always an aching emotional void that could only be bridged by knowing the origin they came from.
Alex wrestled with a deep sense of loss, often wondering if the biological parents they had never known ever thought about them. Their loving adoptive parents did not help alleviate this feeling; the notion of being relinquished haunted Alex. How could their biological parents have let go of them? What led to their decision to place them for adoption? These questions kept Alex up at night, particularly in tough moments in life when they felt most vulnerable.
For quite some time, Alex hid these thoughts and feelings from others. He didn’t want to burden his adoptive parents with uncertainty regarding the love that had been given to him. They feared that asking questions about their biological family would mean implying that they were not grateful for the family given to them. This war within created mixed-up emotions of longing to be connected with one’s roots on the one hand, but loyalty to the family that raised them on the other hand made Alex feel split emotionally.
